This summer, I moved to Oklahoma to start as a new professor at Oklahoma State. Before school started (and I had internet at my house), I spent a lot of time in the local Starbucks. When you're in Starbucks, you hear a lot of interesting conversations. Everything from real estate deals to wedding planning is discussed there. Old men flirted with me, I saw gold diggers in action, and witnessed several bad dates. The following is one of those conversations. I like to call it "The worst date I've never been on." It was so awful, I tweeted it the entire time. Initially, I didn't mean to listen in; however, the guy was really loud and obnoxious. Then, after a while, I just couldn't stop tweeting.
- At @Starbucks again, watching a guy bomb on a first date. Go for a decaf drink next time, buddy. July 18, 2010 3:52:05 PM CDT via web
- The dude bombing the Starbucks date just started talking to the girl about toilets... I kid you not. July 18, 2010 4:02:59 PM CDT via web
- @bowmanspartan I know, I know I am SUCH a snob.... and I once worked in the bathtub & building industry! July 18, 2010 4:05:14 PM CDT via web in reply to bowmanspartan
- @bowmanspartan You know, she just told him that she likes it when guys offer to mow her grass. It may be a match made in heaven... July 18, 2010 4:08:07 PM CDT via web in reply to bowmanspartan
- The Starbucks date bomber just said the "Bam!" & "Shazaam!" (w/jazz hands) all in one sentence... he's just took it to a whole new level. July 18, 2010 4:15:53 PM CDT via web
- I need to stop listening to this poor guy, but a) they are at the table beside me, b) he's really loud, and c) I just can't turn away. July 18, 2010 4:17:07 PM CDT via web
- @orangeokie It's so bad, it's good. This has turned into a fantastic afternoon. I just have to keep myself from laughing outloud. ;-) July 18, 2010 4:18:22 PM CDT via web in reply to orangeokie
- I swear, the Starbucks date bomber hasn't let the girl get a word in edgewise. The current topic... old money versus new money. July 18, 2010 4:23:23 PM CDT via web
- Aw, man. Starbucks just cleared out & bad date bomber & his lady friend moved to the comfy seats nearby. Don't worry, I can still hear them. July 18, 2010 4:36:42 PM CDT via web
- Okay, the Starbucks date bomber must know a little bit about everything. He is now talking about restaurant insurance policies. Interesting. July 18, 2010 4:43:51 PM CDT via web
- @claudinerenee I know. I soooo feel for this poor girl. I wish I knew her cell so I could call her about some sort of emergency. July 18, 2010 4:44:44 PM CDT via web in reply to claudinerenee
- Lastest Starbucks date bomber quote: "Why do people eat white rice? I just don't get it." ... I don't get you buddy. July 18, 2010 4:45:42 PM CDT via web
- Starbucks date bomber is now talking about the effects of boric acid on your house.... what?!?! July 18, 2010 4:46:27 PM CDT via web
- @Samjb At first she was really stiff. Closed body language. She's gotten more into the conversation now. July 18, 2010 4:47:09 PM CDT via web in reply to Samjb
- Starbucks date bomber is now talking about how dumb birds are... amazing. Truly amazing. July 18, 2010 4:48:20 PM CDT via web
- Annnnnd now the topic is on how the census is unnecessary. Can we just not count him? Oh, Starbucks date bomber, I think I may love you. July 18, 2010 4:49:47 PM CDT via web
- He just said "If you're 30, & not dating you're missing out on a real relationship." I may walk over & smack him upside the head. July 18, 2010 4:52:03 PM CDT via web
- Starbucks date bomber just said "I only wear my 'sexy boots' on my motorcycle." July 18, 2010 4:52:35 PM CDT via web
- Starbucks date bomber also just said that he rides shirtless & without a helmet on his motorcycle in order to work on his tan ...No comment. July 18, 2010 4:53:33 PM CDT via web
- Starbucks date bomber just said there is no way that girls can be "just friends" with a guy. He said, "Do you think we're stupid?" ...Umm. July 18, 2010 4:58:58 PM CDT via web
- This must be an online match-up... they are talking about dating profiles. July 18, 2010 5:00:52 PM CDT via web
- He just said "Every woman writes 'I'm not into drama'" he used air quotes, and got REALLY loud. Pot, meet kettle. July 18, 2010 5:02:32 PM CDT via web
- Apparently he has a formula about how to ask out women... it has to do with the pictures on her profile. It is so interesting here. July 18, 2010 5:04:28 PM CDT via web
- He just said "I don't like to be flashy, I like to be real." Really, dude? You could have fooled me... you're wearing Ugg boots. July 18, 2010 5:07:17 PM CDT via web
- I swear, this is my new favorite place. Or maybe it's him... what would he think if I followed him around for a few days? July 18, 2010 5:08:49 PM CDT via web
- Wow. Now he's telling her about a recent upper respiratory infection. I really didn't need to know about that. She probably didn't either. July 18, 2010 5:09:33 PM CDT via web
- Just said "You find the most interesting information abt a date in the first 30 min" ...You've got that right. I know your favorite toilet. July 18, 2010 5:11:42 PM CDT via web
- I haven't gotten anything done... I really need him to normal up. I've got things to do... but it is just SO entertaining. July 18, 2010 5:13:10 PM CDT via web
- New favorite quote "I have so many good ideas, it is not even funny. People just don't get it." ...No, we don't get you. July 18, 2010 5:13:55 PM CDT via web
- He's now telling her how vocal intonation is important. Hope you HAVE a good day vs. Hope you have a GOOD day. I'm confused. July 18, 2010 5:14:57 PM CDT via web
- @mitchgoddard It is REALLY just SO interesting. Totally worth my $3 drink. July 18, 2010 5:16:05 PM CDT via web in reply to mitchgoddard
- He is now talking about the importance of motorcycle gloves. Mesh vs. Leather. July 18, 2010 5:16:36 PM CDT via web
- Huh. Apparently, he accidently put his ice cream in the fridge and not the freezer last week. Thank goodness it wasn't Cherry Garcia. July 18, 2010 5:17:30 PM CDT via web
- Okay, first valid topic. Dunkin Donuts vs. Krispy Kreme. Krispy Kreme by far. July 18, 2010 5:18:17 PM CDT via web
- I am trying so hard not to laugh. He just started making video game noises. Think pacman. July 18, 2010 5:19:00 PM CDT via web
- The only reason he works out is to be able to sleep better. His vibes are more peaceful. Personally, I have other reasons, but power to you. July 18, 2010 5:20:29 PM CDT via web
- Now we're talking vokda. And by "we" I mean "he." She's doing a lot of nodding and uh-huhs. July 18, 2010 5:21:09 PM CDT via web
- He has a brilliant suggestion... McDonalds should start serving vodka with their food. He actually might be on to something there. July 18, 2010 5:22:31 PM CDT via web
- Aaaannnd now the bad date bomber is now talking about refrigerator temperatures. Just so y'all know, he prefers his on 48 degrees. July 18, 2010 5:23:21 PM CDT via web
- I can't keep up with all these topics. It is just too much. My head is spinning. July 18, 2010 5:23:58 PM CDT via web
- Oooohh... he just offered her a back rub. In Starbucks. PTL, she passed. July 18, 2010 5:24:42 PM CDT via web
- Let's just be honest.... the bad date bomber is the man of my dreams. I should really go over there and give him my number. July 18, 2010 5:26:09 PM CDT via web
- I couldn't write that last tweet without laughing. July 18, 2010 5:26:24 PM CDT via web
- Wow... apparently, he does NOT like a certain brand of spices. Rant much? July 18, 2010 5:26:59 PM CDT via web
- Why is he talking about spooning in the snow & communal showers... WHY? WHY???? July 18, 2010 5:28:45 PM CDT via web
- Oh, he just mentioned that he watches Starship Troopers... Hmm... Why am I not surprised? July 18, 2010 5:29:17 PM CDT via web
- Okay, he FINALLY asked her what she does for a living. Way to go, bad date bomber. July 18, 2010 5:29:51 PM CDT via web
- He just tried to define novelty, after he insulted her job. "Don't you get tired of the novelty of your job? By definition, novelty is..." July 18, 2010 5:31:38 PM CDT via web
- She just rolled her eyes at him and said, "I really don't believe that is a serious question." July 18, 2010 5:32:30 PM CDT via web
- He got loud and said "I ask legitimate questions! What side of the road do you drive on?" July 18, 2010 5:33:15 PM CDT via web
- "Oh Yeah, the Russians are going to make it to Alaska before they make it to you guys." She may be Canadian. July 18, 2010 5:33:55 PM CDT via web
- She's talking about how the military will scramble jets in case the Russians get too close. His response "What you can't walk?!?" July 18, 2010 5:34:54 PM CDT via web
- This is the most interesting & painful date I've never been on. July 18, 2010 5:35:19 PM CDT via web
- He thinks we are the most mentally challenge country in the world when it comes to caring about other people and starting wars. July 18, 2010 5:36:28 PM CDT via web
- Wow. He wants to attack Mexico. Umm.... July 18, 2010 5:37:34 PM CDT via web
- He just insulted Canada: "15 years ago, y'all would have been communist if it wasn't for us." She is not happy. July 18, 2010 5:38:17 PM CDT via web
- Her: I don't think you know what you're talking about. I have friends that serve in our military. (cont) July 18, 2010 5:39:45 PM CDT via web
- Him: That's my point! You aren't far enough from Russia to do any good. Her: Our military is one of the best trained in the world. July 18, 2010 5:40:20 PM CDT via web
- Him: But the mounty uniform?!? Come on! Her: Our defense budget is only second to the US. Him: Exactly! You would be nothing without us. July 18, 2010 5:41:12 PM CDT via web
- Him: People are so afraid to say what they really think. Her: That may be because when you say everything you think, you sound ridiculous. July 18, 2010 5:42:06 PM CDT via web
- Now he's talking about the "broad scope of things in the military." He must be good friends General Petreaus. July 18, 2010 5:44:13 PM CDT via web
- Him: I NEVER said my opinion was more right than yours. Are u kidding! Her: Well, I'm sorry I took 2 hours of your time Me: It's really okay July 18, 2010 5:45:31 PM CDT via web
- Bad date bomber is now talking about conspiracy theories... I think I love him. July 18, 2010 5:47:48 PM CDT via web
- "I notice you aren't wearing gloves today... aren't your supposed to?" Okay... now I'm confused. July 18, 2010 5:49:05 PM CDT via web
- She just flat out told him that she's going to make fun of him later. Way to go sister. Bad date bomber: 8,235 Date: 2. July 18, 2010 5:50:10 PM CDT via web
- She just told him the best dates happen at rolling rinks... wait, did I miss something? July 18, 2010 5:51:56 PM CDT via web
- Okay, wait... I think she was talking about bowling alleys, not a roller rink. I had such hope for her. Maybe it was lost in translation... July 18, 2010 5:52:59 PM CDT via web
- He just started making Pac-Man noises again. July 18, 2010 5:53:47 PM CDT via web
- How is this girl not exhausted? ... I know I am. This date is awful. July 18, 2010 5:54:08 PM CDT via web
- He's now talking about how his ankle is sprained... I think she might be a nurse. July 18, 2010 5:54:50 PM CDT via web
- He just asked her why she isn't laughing at his jokes till about 20 seconds later. ... wait, he's been joking? How do you know? July 18, 2010 5:56:03 PM CDT via web
- Someone is grinding coffee in Starbucks REALLY LOUDLY, and I can't hear the bad date right now. July 18, 2010 5:57:25 PM CDT via web
- Him: You know, 80% of this conversation is lost in translation. Her: We speak English in Canada. Him: What is the exchange rate, anyway? July 18, 2010 5:58:31 PM CDT via web
- "LOLs are the soul invention of people who have no responsibility and want to say something inappropriate." - Him July 18, 2010 5:59:15 PM CDT via web
- "LOL's are when you are sitting at your computer and are wanting to show people that you find something humorous." - Her July 18, 2010 6:00:27 PM CDT via web
- She just told him that "the reason they don't call or text you back is because you're really dumb." OUCH. Bad date bomber: 10,478 Date: 3 July 18, 2010 6:03:24 PM CDT via web
- And he still didn't get it. July 18, 2010 6:03:45 PM CDT via web
- Bad date bomber just started making bear noises. Now, it is just getting weird. July 18, 2010 6:06:14 PM CDT via web
- I'm pretty sure it was in the context of a story... at least I hope it was in the context of a story. July 18, 2010 6:06:43 PM CDT via web
- He just held out his arms and said "Vroom! Vroom! I get great gas milage." July 18, 2010 6:14:19 PM CDT via web
- She has a good friend coming in to town and can't wait to catch-up. He doesn't get why girls like to talk so much. Yeah... July 18, 2010 6:17:09 PM CDT via web
- Bad Date bomber says he's blunt bc he doesn't want to put up a charade when dating & then disappoint in 6 mo. ...I think he's just rude. July 18, 2010 6:18:23 PM CDT via web
- He just said to her: I really think we're gelling. She: Do you? July 18, 2010 6:19:03 PM CDT via web
- He said: You're very judgy. You're like judge judy. She said: Okay, I'm done. You're just rude. 2 1/2 hours are enough. July 18, 2010 6:19:45 PM CDT via web
- After 2.5 hrs, he just asked her out again. She responded "I enjoy my time and you ask dumb questions. What do you think?" He didn't get it. July 18, 2010 6:21:13 PM CDT via web
- She just shot him down for the 4th time. WHY, WHY is the date not over yet? July 18, 2010 6:21:45 PM CDT via web
- Him: Oooooh. You must have no fun in Canada. Her: Why, because we aren't American? Him: Exactly. #SDB July 18, 2010 6:24:29 PM CDT via web
- Her: You're a little bit of a jackass. You know that right? Him: Of course. Me: At least he realizes it. July 18, 2010 6:25:11 PM CDT via web
- She just said: You're crass He: I just help raise the bull**** level in life. You're a girl, you understand Me: I wonder how good my aim is. July 18, 2010 6:26:53 PM CDT via web
- Her: I'm young and vibrant. I enjoy life. Him: You sure? Me: Honey, can I punch him for you? #SDB July 18, 2010 6:27:47 PM CDT via web
- OH WOW. He just admitted to having a man-purse. #SDB July 18, 2010 6:28:35 PM CDT via web
- He just asked her is the purses in Canada are made of seal, and if they had cows. REALLY!?!?! #SDB July 18, 2010 6:29:08 PM CDT via web
- She's giving him dating tips. And he was talking about how he'd hate if there were a hidden camera in here. If he only knew. #SDB July 18, 2010 6:30:44 PM CDT via web
- Awwww, man... They just left. And she gave him the one armed side hug. Burn. #SDB July 18, 2010 6:31:43 PM CDT via web
- Still outside talking. If body language counts for anything, I'd guess she's annoyed & glad it is almost over. #SDB July 18, 2010 6:33:05 PM CDT via web
- Arms crossed, foot tapping. #SDB July 18, 2010 6:33:07 PM CDT via web
- Arms gesturing wildly. #SDB July 18, 2010 6:33:30 PM CDT via web
- Hand on hip. #SDB July 18, 2010 6:33:41 PM CDT via web
- Oh, honey. Just walk away. #SDB July 18, 2010 6:33:56 PM CDT via web
- And she did. Thank goodness. #SDB July 18, 2010 6:34:30 PM CDT via web
- Sorry folks, couldn't take a pic. WAY too obvious as I was right beside them. July 18, 2010 6:36:41 PM CDT via web
- I just hope that he didn't warp her opinions about Americans. Because jeez louis. July 18, 2010 6:46:44 PM CDT via web
- The Starbucks girl just walked over and told me: "Yeah, we have a lot of bad first dates here." I may have to come here more often. July 18, 2010 6:49:02 PM CDT via web
- Okay, I'm getting off twitter for now. I really have some work to do. Thanks again for the free internet, @Starbucks. You made my day. July 18, 2010 7:08:32 PM CDT via web
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